Boys will be boys…
…but should we still really be saying that? Does that kind of thinking have a place in modern parenting?
I don’t know about you, but whenever we’re in a toy store, I am always struck by the sheer difference between toys intended for boys, and toys intended for girls. The non-gender specific toys are less visible, whilst the aisles full of traditionally gender-specific toys are center-stage, and they are worlds apart in terms of content and color. Girls’ toys are an explosion of sparkling pinkness; themes of creativity, nurturing, homemaking and beautification abound. There are dolls to mother, pretend food to cook, emotions to explore. With boys’ toys, the color combination of blue, grey, khaki and black is less playful, instantly more “traditionally” masculine. Plastic weapons, action figures, vehicles, characters from fantasy universes… there are battles to wage, conflicts to resolve. It gets me to thinking how important it is for us as parents to encourage individuality in our children, and not let them just fall into the starkly defined worlds that toy stores and toy advertising could encourage through their products. Girls don’t have to just “do” just pink and princesses. Boys don’t have to just “do” just soldiers and weapons. (My boys love dinosaurs, Pokemon, Paw Patrol…and I know little girls who love them too!) Kids can…do what they want! Societal gender pressures can be huge and stifling, but our children are unique and this is to be celebrated and encouraged. I think it starts with their childhood choices and the social emotional learning that toys provide.
Gor-Gor, my six-year-old, is a sensitive soul. He is tactile, affectionate and sweet, always cuddling and kissing me. Our relationship is still umbilical, and I hope this will last as long as possible. Sometimes boys grow into young men who may be shy about showering their mom with physical affection, so I know each kiss on the lips and each tender embrace is priceless! What I love deeply about Gor-Gor is his confidence to state a preference for things that he likes. In a toy store, he will more likely be drawn to something prettier, something heart-shaped and rosy-colored, over something khaki. He is deciding with his heart, and has not yet been conditioned by a world of gender specifics. I know this will likely change one day, but I hope he hangs onto that inner voice forever, the one that tells him what he likes, what he finds aesthetically pleasing. I am proud of him for being himself, being confident and happy, not pretending to like something that he doesn’t just because it conforms to gender stereotypes, and I am overjoyed that he expresses his emotions. In a world where girls are told that they can do anything, and this is a generally accepted view, as a mom of boys, I believe boys need to hear this even more. We need to keep our sons’ inquisitive natures alive by encouraging them to think. Not just to accept. Do they want something because they are guided to want it, or because they really want it? Because small decisions swiftly become bigger ones, the older they get, and if we are lucky, by the time they are young adults, we will have taught them the freedom of self-knowledge, and they will be able to make those decisions free of self-doubt, with confidence and certainty. And hopefully they will still want to grab their mom in a warm hug…!
What are your kids’ favorite toys? Or did you have a favorite toy when you were growing up? I would love to hear any of your “toy stories”!
