Sleeping like a baby…
…how I found peace and balance as a co-sleeping parent.
I once saw a social media post which deeply resonated with me. A dad had asked his son to draw a picture representing what he understood about the concept of “feeling safe”. In response, his son drew a sweet, simple picture of himself, sleeping in bed, in the middle of his mom and his dad. This picture struck a chord within my heart. It reminded me of me, Gor-Gor and Sai-Lo.
I did not set out intentionally to become a mom who co-sleeps with her kids. Like all good things, it crept up on me organically, and has always felt like the most right and natural way to be. Before I had it all figured out, it was a little like musical beds. Juggling spaces to sleep in a growing family, combining a baby who needs to be fed, a husband who needs to get some sleep before work, a mom who needs to comfort a toddler at the same time as a baby, a mom who also has to go to work…when the music stops, you just need to find a place to sleep, or you’re out of the game! Except babies and toddlers aren’t programmed to sleep all night, are they? Yet as adults, sleep is the ultimate goal for us. Tiny humans are biologically wired to sleep, wake, feed, and be comforted on repeat. The milk, warmth, and physical contact are vital for their development, and their instincts are strong.
So it got me thinking, yet again, about Cave Mom! Cave Mom was the original co-sleeper, right? Cave Mom and her cave sisters most definitely co-slept with their tiny humans. The very idea of putting their young in a separate space would have never crossed their minds. Cave Man (Cave Who?!) slept at the front with his cave brothers, guarding the caves. Cave kids slept next to their mothers because they needed breastmilk, warmth, and safety from predators and the elements. Since the dawn of time, it has been hardwired into our very souls as moms to protect our young. We are creatures of instinct! (Did you know that oxytocin - the love hormone – that amazing smell from your baby’s scalp – is also designed to help mom get back to sleep? Mother Nature is a genius!)
Modern mom is bombarded with images of what she should be like, and of what she should be doing. Breastfeeding, formula feeding, mixed feeding; sleep-training, sleep independence, controlled crying. It’s a minefield. If I had a penny for every time someone has said co-sleeping isn’t great for my relationship with my husband, who now sleeps next door in a spare bed whilst I co-sleep with the boys, I would be rich! But here’s the crucial thing: it no longer gets to me. Listening to my instincts, doing what feels right for me and my boys, is empowering. I get a good night’s sleep. I’m under no illusion that co-sleeping will last forever. I know when the time is right, Gor-Gor and Sai-Lo will sleep in their own spaces, and that will be part of the natural progression. My life, my sons, no regrets. I’m channeling my inner Cave Mom, and I love her!
Why not ask your kids today what it is that makes them feel safe? I bet you’ll be amazed at what they come up with! Don’t forget to share your stories in the comments below!
